When You Suffer, You Don't Have To Smile

I've been thinking a lot about suffering lately and what it means to suffer.
I think a lot of times we are told about the disposition we have to have when we suffer: to smile, to endure, to persevere with maximum joy and laughter; almost like a joyful indifference.

But I think that indifference to pain, even if its joyful, is harmful.

Hiding our pain does not pave the road to healing our pain.

Mariel and I went to a conference this past December called Rise-UP: a 5 day conference held by an organization called Catholic Christian Outreach that serves to help bring young adults closer to Christ, while also allowing them to learn new things and meet new people from across Canada; and even from different parts of the world! During this conference we got to hear so many wonderful and relevant talks from amazing speakers. One talk that spoke to my heart significantly was one by a guy named Eric Chow; who brought to the light the reality that most of us wear masks. And that most of the time we use these masks as an aid of self-preservation: from family members, from peers, from our community, or even from ourselves. I myself knows what it feels like to wear so many masks that sometimes you can't remember who you really are underneath all of that.

We put on masks to save ourselves from suffering. And who can blame us? Knowing that in the world there are people dealing with various debilitating things like illness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, physical/emotional abuse, eating disorders, etc. - the list goes on and the suffering continues. People lose loved ones, relationships end and there are moments in our lives where people simply walk out with no turning back. That is painful. That is hard.

So why can't we allow ourselves to feel our pain and reach out to let someone know we're suffering. We've all felt it. We all don't want to feel alone when we feel the depth of our pain, or even just when we open up the lid a little bit. It's too much to bear alone, and we're not meant to bear it alone.

A priest told me once in confession that when I'm feeling low and I don't think I can carry on and I can't seem to think of something to live for, run to the cross. Run to Jesus and weep at His feet. Let the masks fall that you're 'okay' and 'fine' and 'handling it' and reveal your true face - a face that's twisted in agony, yearning for comfort and healing that only He can provide. He will wipe your tears away and embrace you. He will see that you are hurting and even when you're ugly crying will He STILL call you beautiful and beloved.

So if you're suffering my brothers and sisters, and your heart is in the desert, be honest the next time someone asks you how you're doing. It's always seemed to me that whenever someone asks me that question and you see the look in their eyes, you know that it is Jesus that is asking you through them; seeing you face to face, asking how He can help you. So you don't have to smile if you're in pain. Do your pain a favour and accept its presence in your life. Allow it to make you cry, sob, scream and wail - for the only way to let that pain out is to give it the attention it needs to heal.

                                                                   - - -

I was babysitting my little cousin Max a few weeks ago who's only two years old. I had babysat him once before and he was perfectly happy with just me and his brother while his parents were out. We made chocolate chip cookies, watched some paw patrol and read some books. But this time when his parents and brother left he cRIEDDD people!! Nothing worked to console him, and the screaming and crying just kept getting louder and louder. I felt hopeless not knowing what to do and it broke my heart to see Max so upset trying to find his family.

Thankfully my dad was there (I call him the baby whisperer - I kid you not every kid loves him) and he was able to, after some time, calm Max down enough that he would reach out for my dad's hand; allowing himself to be carried and consoled. I remember thinking that this was honestly such a beautiful moment between a father and a child even if it was not his own.

And then it hit me:

the only way for a child to communicate that it needs something from someone they love is to cry out to them. Crying, even if it doesn't involve loud noises or screaming, means that we need help from a person that loves us. 

And who better loves us than our loving Father, who will "wipe every tear from [our] eyes." (Revelation 2:14)

Next time when you're suffering and Jesus asks you how are you doing through your friends, your family, a counsellor, or priest - try not to smile. This time, let the tears fall and bring your hurt to the light. Tell Jesus through that person, or quite simply tell Himself in adoration, exactly how you feel; and that you need His help in order to feel better and keep going. As a Father loves and cares for a weeping child, how much more will our heavenly Father run to us when we are weeping in suffering?

So don't smile my friends when you suffer; for when you cry, that is actually your strength. Much stronger than a smile and a brave face will ever be.

Praying For You Always,
- C

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2  

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12